Top 9 Ways You’re Killing Your Relationship

Relationships are hard. They take work, communication, and always being open to learning about your partner and yourself. The good news is that there are certain behaviors you can avoid in order to make sure your relationship stays strong and loving for years to come. Read on for my list of the top nine relationship-killers:

1. Avoidance

Avoidance is a way of coping with uncomfortable feelings. It can be a way of avoiding conflict, intimacy, vulnerability and responsibility. When we avoid facing something that makes us feel bad or afraid, we’re actually making ourselves feel worse.

Avoiding conflict isn’t healthy; it creates resentment and causes relationships to deteriorate over time. Avoiding intimacy means you don’t get to experience the warmth and connection that comes from connecting with others on a deeper level; it’s also not good for your health and wellbeing. Avoiding vulnerability means you don’t get to fully experience joy in your life because you’re so busy protecting yourself from the possibility of being hurt again; it also disconnects you from yourself because there are things about yourself that aren’t being expressed out loud (which makes it hard for people around you to understand who YOU really are). And lastly: avoiding responsibility means being stuck in an endless cycle where nothing ever changes and no one gets better except maybe in small ways here and there but never enough/fast enough/at all…

2. Lack of Trust

Trust is a fundamental human need, and it is the foundation of all relationships. Trust is not earned, it is given. It’s a two-way street that requires both parties to honor their end of the bargain.

Trust is essential in any relationship—romantic or otherwise—because it creates safety and security in an otherwise uncertain world. Without trust, there would be no relationships at all; being able to depend on someone else allows you to become vulnerable and share your true self with them without fear of being rejected or abandoned because they won’t take advantage of those moments when you’re most vulnerable in order to hurt you later on (or worse).

3. Unrealistic Expectations

First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: it’s human to have expectations. We all have them, and as humans, we’re also notoriously bad at communicating what those expectations are.

We all want our relationships to be different than they are right now—but this is not a realistic expectation. It should go without saying that if you expect your partner or friends to change who they are at their core, this will lead to resentment and disappointment when they don’t magically transform into someone else overnight. And while it’s not realistic for anyone—or anything—to go through life changing every single day (or even month), sometimes your own personal growth comes from pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone long enough for both people involved in the relationship to realize how much better things can be now that both sides have made some compromises along the way.

3. Comparisons

You’re busy. You have a lot going on in your life and you’re both working hard to reach your goals, so it’s easy to forget that there are other people out there who are doing the exact same thing. don’t take your achievements for granted! But when we compare ourselves to others (and realize we aren’t quite as successful or happy), it can be discouraging, which then leads us down a path of self-doubt and insecurity. This will leach into your thoughts and impressions of your relationships. When comparing yourself to others is all you’re doing, it’s easy for your identity to become wrapped up in how good or bad things are going for others—and this will lead nowhere good! Before you know it, your relationship could be the next thing up for comparison. It’s easy to forget that other people, including your significant other, have goals and anxieties just like you. Everyone is struggling to find happiness or make a good life for themselves, so please don’t take your achievements for granted!

To take control of this negative cycle: stop comparing yourself and your partner with others! Focus on making changes in your own life instead of worrying about what everyone else is doing. If things aren’t working out perfectly yet, don’t beat yourself up over it; just keep trying different approaches until something sticks and makes you feel like you’ve finally gotten somewhere. We are all out here doing our best.

4. Micromanaging

Micromanaging is when you analyze and control every little thing your partner does. It’s like being in a relationship with your mom, except this time she’s not helping you get ready for prom. She’s telling you what to wear, whom to hang out with, and how much money to spend on dinner.

When someone micromanages their partner, it makes the other person feel frustrated because they don’t have any freedom or control over their own life. Micromanagers also tend to be critical of their significant others, which can lead to resentment that eventually destroys their relationship.

To stop micromanaging:

Think about why it’s bothering you so much when your partner does something differently than what you would do in that situation. Is there really an issue? Or are some habits or behaviors just hard for us humans? If so, try giving them some space; let them do things the way they want instead of trying to control everything around them!
Focus on the positive attributes of your significant other—it will help remind yourself why they’re awesome and worth keeping around!

5. Betrayal

Betrayal is a breach of trust. It can be intentional or unintentional, a one-time thing or a series of things, verbal or nonverbal. Here are some examples:

Lying about what you are doing (or not doing) with your time
Making plans with someone else behind your partner’s back
Being dishonest about what you have done sexually in the past

Just remember that the moment your partner starts to feel betrayed in any way, their trust in you will start to waver. If the issue is not addressed soon enough, the damage may become irreversible.

6. Keeping Score

Keeping score is an insidious form of emotional abuse that can turn a healthy relationship into an unhealthy one. To keep score, you either count up the good things someone does for you and compare it to how many bad things they’ve done or you see every interaction as a zero-sum game where one person wins if the other loses. It’s a way of saying “I’ll do this for you as long as I get something out of it—but if I don’t, don’t expect me to be nice anymore.”

In this kind of relationship:

Your partner feels like they always have to earn your love through actions rather than just being loved because they exist.
You feel insecure because all your happiness depends on whether or not your partner gives back what they’ve taken from you (which is impossible).

7. Impatience

Impatience can be defined as a lack of patience, and it’s one of the most common problems in relationships. Impatience leads to frustration, anger, resentment and conflict—all things that kill relationships!

Impatience affects both partners: One may be impatient with the other or feel impatient because they aren’t getting enough attention from their partner. This can lead to arguments about who deserves more time or which activities are most important at any given moment.

8. Demands

You’re not getting your way and you’re going to make sure everyone knows it.

“I don’t care what you want to do on our date night, but I want to go out for dinner AND see a movie! It makes me feel important that I get my way about everything!”

How can you stop being demanding? Try asking for what you want in a respectful way instead of making demands, like this: “I would really love it if we could go out for dinner tonight and then see a movie afterwards; what do you think?”

People really appreciate feeling heard and that their opinions, wants and needs are valued.

9. Withholding

You’ve probably heard of the phrase “open communication” when it comes to relationships. This is because open communication is an important part of healthy relationships. However, there’s another piece of the puzzle that you might not have considered: honesty.

We all know what honesty means—it means telling the truth. But what does it mean to be honest? For example, do you consider yourself an honest person? How do your answers change when someone asks if they’re “the most honest person they know?” If you’re like most people, your internal monologue would go something like this: “I try my best to be honest with people.” Who could blame us for thinking this way? After all, we don’t want others thinking we’re liars!

But let’s stop and think about what being truly honest actually means for a moment. It isn’t just about saying things that other people want to hear; it’s about revealing your true feelings even if those feelings are uncomfortable or difficult for others (including yourself) to hear. Being completely transparent in this way can take courage—courage which many people lack because they fear rejection from others who may not agree with them or understand them.

Avoid these behaviors to have lasting and loving relationships

Avoid these harmful behaviors to have lasting and loving relationships with your family and friends.

Avoidance: It’s common to want to avoid conflict, but it’s important to face difficult situations head-on so that you can find a healthy way forward.
Lack of trust: Trust is essential in every relationship—you need to know that the people you care about won’t hurt you or use information against you.
Unrealistic expectations: Everyone has different needs, personalities, and lifestyles—so it’s important not to expect others’ behavior to match yours perfectly.
Comparisons: Comparing yourself (or someone else) with other people will never help build a strong relationship; instead it causes resentment or anger. You should focus on making improvements for yourself rather than trying harder than anyone else does at everything all the time!
Micromanaging: When someone tries too hard too often “to manage” another person’s life without asking permission first sometimes this means they feel like they don’t trust those around them enough… which isn’t healthy either way.”

The Takeaway

In the end, we’re all human and we all make mistakes. But if you want your relationships to be better than they are now, then it’s important to avoid these damaging behaviors. If you can do that, you’ll find yourself with more love and connection in your life than ever before!